Enjoying the Moments With Your Kids

Guest Columnist, Ali Plum (Cheri’s daughter, Oklahoma’s Young Mother of the Year 2004, and mother of two lively boys)

One of the big questions moms write in and ask is: how do I find time to spend alone with each of my three children?

I think this is a great question to have because it means
you want to have 1 on 1 time with each of your children and get to know them better on an individual level. Seeing this as a dilemma that is good rather than bad is half the battle. It’s kind of like good stress verses bad stress. Our body needs a certain level of stress to make us do something and not just sit comatosely through life. So this issue is not one so much of time as it is creativity.

For instance, instead of focusing so much on what needs to be done or read or worked on, take a few days and really observe and listen. Listen to what one of your kids is talking a lot about, or doing a lot of and take mental notes. Be in awe of the individual each one is and as my mom says, focus on the donut and not the hole. This means disciplining yourself as their hand picked mom to listen rather than talk their ear off, and ask questions instead of assume you know the answer.

Notice the positive attributes in your children, instead of just the things they need to improve. There is a wealth of natural wisdom and truth that comes from our children and if we raise our level of respect for them, they will respect us more…. Why? Because they will feel pursued and understood, listened to and noticed. This takes the focus off performing and puts it on just being—being together in the little random moments of the day as you find time with each kid that will end up feeling like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You will find this approach can really help your relationship with your spouse as well. Just enjoy the moments instead of always thinking the moments need to be
done differently.

It also helps to talk with your spouse and decide to “divide and conquer” one or two times a week. Then each of you spend alone time with a kid at a time. You will be amazed at how much fun you will naturally have together doing the things you love to do. We called it “special time” in our family growing up and now with Noah and Luke, we call it “One on One” time. Like go to Barnes and Noble and pick out kid books to read your child and magazines for you, grab a latte and hot chocolate (for child) and sit together in the cafe. Be together in “big person” settings and watch how that One on One time increases your child’s self-esteem and your trust in your relationship. You don’t have to follow a formula, just follow your heart, observe more, listen more and talk less. You’ll enjoy simple things you can do together, like playing board games or throwing the ball in your own backyard. And you will find your time with your children increase in quality and enjoyment even if you’re not able to leave the house.

Copyright 2006 Ali Plum & Cheri Fuller, www.cherifuller.com. Use only by permission.